The Past Few Weeks
The past few weeks have been difficult ones. Since the German GAPP members went back home, it has been quite difficult to find motivation for pretty much anything, and to have certain types of happiness. I had some strong feelings for one of them, which is even more difficult that they have a girlfriend. Eh. Depression has come back in full-force and it is very hard to try to stay thinking positive... All I would like to do is graduate high school and get the hell out of here. I want to do it now, and the longer I stay here the more I get depressed. Well, to keep me busy I guess I can plan for the future, create goals for myself, work more (13 hours last Saturday, HA!), and hang out with friends more.
I don't know why I'm typing this all on here, I guess it can ease some the feelings or whatever.
On the bright side, I just got my new computer in the mail tonight and it is so much faster than my old one! I also have been watching a bit more Anime. I quite enjoy it, much more than I ever thought I would. Also I have been developing certain applications for my personal future. Like MyRecipes SE - A database of Breakfast, Lunch/Dinner, Snacks, Desserts, Drinks, etc., all available by the touch of a finger. I would like to have a computer with these capabilities on my counter when I have my own kitchen, as I LOVE making food. Speaking of food, at McDonald's, I have recently learned eggs, lunch meats, and lunch assemble. It's just pretty funny as I am a vegetarian. Also, there has been some thought that I may enter the management training program. I think I'd enjoy it for the most part... but who knows. It'll all come with time.
As for the near future, I need to start exercising. I have been eating so healthy lately, and should really care for my body in other ways as well. Here I come, Anytime Fitness! I also hope to update a little bit more regularly. It seems to help my organization - and I haven't updated since October! Shit, where'd those three months go!?
I can’t wait…
Lately, I have been depressed. I find myself daydreaming in class, at work, even in sleep I have been dreaming. I dream for the future, hoping that it will come tomorrow. Tomorrow is not soon enough.
I dream of living somewhere warm. Somewhere where people are friendly, helpful, and caring. I'm tired of the "fast-pace-no-enjoyment" way of life.
I am longing for the future...
I don't want things. I want to have a clean and beautiful house overlooking a silent and non-bustling town. Maybe near a beach.
I will have daily routines. Walks, exploring, exercising, painting, cooking a great meal near the end of the day.
I don't want to sit in front of a computer 24-7, but it is what is keeping me somewhat sane in this time and day living here.
When I'm at school, I think of the future. Who I will meet, who will be my friends, who I may love.
I want the day to come where I move away from here. I do not want to live here. I want to get away from most of my family. Live my life. Experience what some of them have not experienced.
When I do schoolwork, I want to shoot myself. I see how pointless it really is in the full scheme of life. I am currently wasting my life by pissing around here in Stoughton, Wisconsin. I want to change my life, but this location simply does not allow it.
There is more to come.
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